Radical Acceptance

Radical Acceptance and the Wheel

Radical Acceptance is a collection of practices and tools that focus on accepting ALL of who we are. If we are judging or wanting to get rid of those parts that are angry, anxious, controlling, ashamed etc. then that is not acceptance. When we can accept ALL of who we are, we can begin to experience inner peace and harmony.

One of those tools is the Wheel. The goal of the Wheel is to move from Feel->Act->Regret to Feel->Grow->Plan->Act.

The Wheel describes 6 steps starting with an event.The steps are as follows:

• Event
• Feel & Accept
• Discover
• Integrate & Accept
• Plan
• Act & accept

• In RA an event is when there is a charge associated with an incident (i.e. you are BLENDED)
• From the Conductor all events are neutral
• That doesn’t mean that feelings don’t arise, it means that whatever arises, belongs to you
• Different people have different feelings about the same event
• The same person may have different feelings about similar events at different times
• The feelings/thoughts that arise in you are a result of your history, your filters, your Parts
• The Part develops a STORY from the Event
• Remember, you are the CONDUCTOR not the STORY or the Part

• This step is the point where you recognize that you are BLENDED with a Part
• All thoughts and feelings are welcome
• Most people do not feel their feelings. They emote them
• Yell instead of of feeling anger
• Cry instead of feeling sorrow
• Have sex instead of feeling love
• Most do not accept their feelings
• Love, happy, excitement are good
• Anger, sadness, fear are bad

• This process uses the charge (thought or feeling) from events as an invitation to delve into our inner world
• We Discover the Parts that drive our behaviors and inner chaos
• Protector and Wounded parts
• This step, along with the next, Integrate & Accept, is where the IFS work, described later, takes place

• The IFS work will help us understand and accept parts of ourselves that have been judged, rejected or ignored
• Welcoming, accepting and healing the Parts is essential to bringing order to the inner chaos
• As said in the prior step, these two steps are where we do the IFS work

• Acceptance is not passive - it demands you make a conscious CHOICE from the place of the Conductor
• The Conductor will call upon the more mature Parts to assist with the plan (Adult, Sage/Crone)
• Plans include internal and sometimes external actions
• Most plans start with an apology (internal and/or external)
• If an event calls for an external response, the plan needs to be:
• Consistent with who you are
• Free of expectations that things will change
• Based on the outcome you seek
• Are you prepared to accept the potential consequences of the plan's actions? If not - re-plan

• The Conductor needs to call on the appropriate Parts to execute the plan
• This step requires courage and commitment
• I am 100% responsible for my actions and my words spoken
• I am 0% responsible for how the other person reacts to my words and actions
• From the action there may be consequences
• The consequences lead to new events: around and around the wheel turns